Let’s just get this out of the way: being a man who was sexually abused as a child messes with your head in ways that are hard to explain, and harder to talk about.

I’m no therapist. Or self-help guru. I’m just someone who’s lived it. And if you have, you know that this kind of trauma doesn’t stay politely tucked away in childhood. It shows up in your relationships, your body, and your self-worth. In your silence. It consumes you.

And when it does try to come out? There’s often no safe place to put it. Here’s why.

(Image Source: 1in6.org & U.S. Department of Justice, CDC, and various academic studies)

1. You Weren’t Allowed to Call It Abuse

A lot of us didn’t know it was abuse. We didn’t have the words. Perhaps the person was someone we trusted. Maybe they said they loved us. Or maybe it didn’t look like the “scary stranger danger” thing we were warned about.

So we stayed confused. And if it felt good, or we kept going back, we felt even more shame. Because no one ever told us that kids can be manipulated into thinking they wanted it. Or that a child’s body can respond even when the soul is screaming “no.”

2. You Were Taught to Tough It Out

“Be a man.”
“Don’t cry.”
“Don’t talk about your feelings.”

We got those messages early. So we learned to shut up and act like nothing happened, even if it ripped us in half.

The problem is, silence doesn’t erase anything. It just buries it deeper, where it festers into anxiety, rage, depression, addiction, shame, isolation… you name it.

3. People Don’t Want to Hear It

Tell someone you were sexually abused as a boy and watch them freeze. They don’t know what to say. Or they downplay it. Or worse, they don’t believe you.

If the abuser was a woman, people act like it was some kind of fantasy. If it was a man, they get weird or assume it “turned you gay.” Either way, you’re left feeling more alone than ever.

No wonder so many men take their pain to the grave.

4. The Damage Is Invisible, But It’s There

Child sexual abuse is emotional sabotage. It rewires your sense of trust, safety, and identity. It messes with how you see your body. How you relate to intimacy. How you regulate fear and shame.

By the time you’re a grown man, you might not connect the dots. You just know that you don’t feel normal. You push people away. Or you chase the wrong ones. You can’t relax. You don’t know how to be fully present.

And the worst part? You think it’s your fault.

5. Resources Are Scarce and Often Not Made for Us

Therapists may not ask men about sexual abuse. Some don’t recognize the signs. And when they do, they might still frame the experience through a lens built for women, which, even with the best intentions, can feel like trying to wear someone else’s skin.

• Most support groups? Not built for male survivors.
• Most media stories? Still focused on female victims.
• And most of society? Still pretending this doesn’t happen to boys.

Yes, help is improving, but it’s slow and uneven.

There’s more online support now. Some hospitals and police departments are learning how to be trauma-informed. And most importantly? More men are speaking out.

Men like me.

Not because it’s easy. But because silence never protected us, it sure as hell won’t help us heal.

So why write about it?

Because someone has to.

If you’re a man who was abused as a child, you’ve probably carried the silence for decades. Maybe you’ve built a whole life around pretending it didn’t happen. Or maybe it’s just starting to crack open now, and you don’t know what the hell to do with it.

Let me say this clearly:

• You’re not broken.
• You didn’t ask for it.
• You were a kid. It wasn’t your fault.
• And you’re not the only one.

Healing is messy. It’s nonlinear. It takes time. But it’s possible, even after years of silence. Even if no one believed you back then. Even if you don’t know where to start now.

Here’s What Helped Me Start:

• Reading other men’s stories. Just knowing I wasn’t alone cracked the door open.
• Trauma-informed therapy (not all therapy is equal; find someone who gets it).
• Naming it. Saying the word “abuse” out loud. Claiming it, instead of letting it claim me.
• Being patient with myself. It’s important to understand that healing is not a performance.

If you made it this far, thank you.

Whether you’re here for yourself or someone you love, just reading about this stuff takes guts.

And if you’re a survivor, you’re not alone. Not anymore.

You deserved safety and protection. You still do.

If you want to know more about me and why I’m speaking out, you can read my story here: aboutthatjack.com/about.

🛠️ Resources for Male Survivors

You don’t have to figure this out alone. These organizations offer support, education, and community for men who’ve experienced sexual abuse, whether it happened last year or decades ago.

• 1in6.org — Support and resources specifically for men who were sexually abused or assaulted, including online support groups and a free weekly chat.

• MaleSurvivor.org — Peer support forums, therapist directories, and in-person healing events.

• RAINN — The largest anti-sexual violence organization in the U.S., with a 24/7 confidential hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE.

📩 Want to reach out privately? Just want to say “me too”?
Contact me here. No pressure. No judgment.