When Growth Isn’t Enough for Others
I was asked something recently that made me reflect a little: how do you reconcile with people who still won’t accept you, even after all the work you’ve done to heal and change?
The simple answer is, you can’t. And that’s one of the hardest truths about growth. You can change your patterns, your reactions, your entire sense of self… But you can’t change how someone chooses to see you.
I could relate in a way because I have been there. Sometimes the damage is done, and you have to come to terms with the fact that people can only meet you where they are capable. And that’s okay. Healing isn’t about convincing others to see your change; it’s about becoming someone you can finally see clearly. It’s where you learn and put into practice the things you have been taught so you don’t make the same mistakes again.
I’m not sure my response was something that wanted to be heard, but I know it needed to be. Because we can’t sugarcoat the healing process, and we can’t sweep our own mistakes under the rug. Growth means owning the mess and the progress; both are part of becoming whole.
I guess you could say it’s hard-earned wisdom.
The Silence That Comes With Healing
The thing about healing is that it doesn’t always come with applause. Sometimes it comes with silence or distance. You do the work, face yourself, learn to respond instead of react… And yet, not everyone wants to meet you in that new space.
That used to mess with me. I’d think, what’s the point of changing if the people I hurt can’t see it? But I now know that, that kind of thinking still comes from the same old place, the part of me that was desperate to be understood. Healing isn’t a trade. You don’t do it to earn forgiveness or to get people back. You do it because carrying around the weight of your old self just gets too damn heavy.
When Others Can’t See Your Change
And when people can’t or won’t accept that you’ve changed, it’s rarely about you. Sometimes they’re just not ready to see things differently. Maybe it stirs something in them, something they haven’t faced yet. Healing can make people uncomfortable, especially if they’re still running from their own stuff.
So you let go, not out of anger, but out of peace. You stop trying to make them see you, and you keep working on becoming the best version of yourself that will make YOU proud. Because at some point, you realize the goal isn’t to be understood by everyone. It’s to finally understand yourself.
What Healing Really Looks Like
Personally, these days, I try to focus less on who accepts me and more on how I show up. Healing doesn’t make life spotless; it just gives you better tools to handle the mess when it shows up again.
Of course, there are days where I still trip, and I overthink. There are even moments where the old version of me wants to take control. But I also know how to pause now, how to breathe, and how to remember that the work I’ve done matters, even if no one else claps for it. Especially if no one does.
Because growth isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. It’s about knowing you’re not who you used to be and giving yourself credit for that, even when others can’t.
The Real Reconciliation
So if you’re doing the work and someone still can’t see it, don’t let that dim what you’ve built. Keep going. Keep choosing yourself. That’s where the real reconciliation happens, not with them, but with you.