Change is difficult. Especially when you have spent much of your life in survival mode. But in order to heal, you have to work on healing your wounded inner child.

Because I have done the work on being able to process emotions better, the next step for me was to work on doing exactly that.

It’s a process that requires patience and self-compassion, as it involves confronting past traumas and nurturing the parts of yourself that were neglected. It is uncomfortable, but embracing the journey can lead to profound personal growth and a deeper understanding of my true self. Something that is fundamental in my growth.

I have learned that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that allows me to connect more deeply with others. That when we show our true selves, our imperfect selves, our messed-up selves, we are met with others’ true, imperfect, messed-up selves.

Vulnerability invites vulnerability.

Opening up old wounds in therapy

In a recent therapy session I shared quite an explicit trauma memory. As I did so, it was pointed out to me how calm I was and that I never once showed myself any sympathy for what happened. I was asked if I felt safe now in my life. To which I replied I did. I was then asked to talk to my inner child as I am now (an adult) and share what I would say to make him feel better in that moment I had just shared.

It took me a moment because there was a stark contrast between how I see my life now and how I shared that memory looking at myself as a child. There was an immense feeling of sadness that washed over me. I found it very difficult, and I was surprised at how upset it made me.

I realized how I never experienced the carefree childhood that kids should. Instead my experiences were overshadowed by all the complexities that came with my abuse and how I longed for a childhood that was never mine. After all, a child’s normal development is stunted by abuse. The impact of such trauma can manifest in various ways; for me, it was emotional and about being able to trust.

I found myself wondering about what it would be like to play freely, to laugh without worry, and to build friendships based on innocence rather than fear. Those moments felt like a distant fantasy, a life I could only imagine but never truly lived. It saddens me in ways that are difficult to articulate.

Don’t rush the healing process

With healing, the work never stops, and it’s important to focus on releasing all the negative feelings. With therapy it has helped me become aware of all my issues, but you still have to physically release any negative emotions being held inside. And that’s the parts that take patience and time.

It may seem silly, but I am even finding myself talking to myself inside my head at times. Like I am having a discussion and checking in. Just that simple thing is helping me be more in touch with my inner child and allowing me to explore my thoughts and feelings more freely. It’s as if I’m giving myself permission to express emotions that I might otherwise overlook, nurturing a deeper connection with who I truly am. It’s something I am finding really helps me.

I am reading a lot of books too; the most recent one is titled Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw. I am finding the book to be invaluable to my own healing, and it’s helping me understand things better.

I read that healing from sexual abuse and trauma is a bit like the grieving process. The difference is that you are not grieving for someone who died but for your damaged soul, shattered by abuse. And it’s so true. We go through stages. Shock, denial, guilt, bargaining, and anger. And through each of those stages is our inner child crying out to be seen and heard.

In doing the necessary inner child work, it means going back to those moments. To relive the memories and give that child exactly what they crave at that moment—love and reassurance. By acknowledging these feelings and providing comfort, I can help heal past wounds and foster a sense of safety. This process allows me to integrate those experiences into my present self, paving the way for healthier emotional responses and relationships.

It’s by no means easy, but it’s important. And on the days I struggle, I try to slow everything down as a way to not rush the process. I also have had added a layer of conscious “protection” that has become consistent.

It also helps to now understand that I have to stop putting pressure on my own inner child and expect him to act like an adult when the entire point is that he doesn’t and never has to. I now give him the freedom to be young and ignorant of how the world works.