Change is tough, especially when you’ve spent so much of your life in survival mode. But in order to heal, it’s crucial to address the wounds of your inner child.

Having worked on processing my emotions more effectively, the next step for me was to actually start doing that, feeling and dealing with those emotions.

 It’s a journey that requires a lot of patience and self-compassion, as it often means confronting past traumas and tending to parts of ourselves that have been neglected. It’s uncomfortable at times, but embracing this process can lead to profound personal growth and a deeper understanding of who I truly am, something essential to my healing.

One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that vulnerability is not a weakness; it’s a strength. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we invite others to do the same, and that’s how we build deeper, more authentic connections. By showing our true selves, imperfect, messy, and human, we encourage others to do the same.

Vulnerability invites vulnerability.

Opening up old wounds in therapy

In a recent therapy session, I shared a vivid trauma memory. As I spoke, my therapist pointed out how calm I seemed, and noted that I hadn’t shown myself any sympathy for what happened. I was then asked if I felt safe in my life now, and I said yes. The next question was to talk to my inner child as I am now, as an adult, and tell him what I would say to comfort him in that moment.

At first, I struggled. There was such a stark contrast between how I see my life now and how I felt when I shared that memory as a child. I was hit with an overwhelming sadness, and I was surprised by just how upset it made me.

I realized that I never really had the carefree childhood that kids should experience. My reality was shaped by the complexities of my abuse, and I longed for a childhood that was never mine. Abuse stunts a child’s emotional growth, and for me, it manifested in struggles with trust and emotional regulation.

I found myself imagining what it would be like to play freely, laugh without worry, and form friendships based on innocence rather than fear. It felt like a fantasy, one that I could only dream of but never truly live. The sadness of that realization is hard to express.

Don’t rush the healing process

With healing, the work never stops, and it’s important to focus on releasing all the negative feelings. With therapy, it has helped me become aware of all my issues, but you still have to physically release any negative emotions being held inside. And those are the parts that take patience and time.

It may sound silly, but I’ve started talking to myself more, checking in with my thoughts and feelings. Having these internal conversations has been a surprisingly helpful way to stay in touch with my inner child. It’s as if I’m giving myself permission to feel, to explore my emotions, and to nurture a deeper connection with who I truly am.

I am reading a lot of books too; the most recent one is titled Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw. It’s actually been a game-changer. It’s giving me valuable insights into my healing process and helping me understand myself better.

Bradshaw talks about healing from trauma like it’s the grieving process. The difference, however, is that you’re not grieving someone who has passed, but instead, you’re grieving the parts of yourself that were damaged by abuse. And it’s so true. We go through stages. Shock, denial, guilt, bargaining, and anger. And through each of those stages is our inner child crying out to be seen and heard.

Embracing Our Inner Child with Patience and Compassion

In doing the necessary inner child work, it means going back to those moments, reliving the memories, and offering the love and reassurance that child desperately needed. By acknowledging those feelings and providing comfort, I’m helping heal old wounds and creating a sense of safety. This process allows me to integrate my past experiences into who I am today, helping me respond more healthily in future situations.

It’s hard work, but it’s so important. On the tough days, I remind myself to slow down and not rush the process. I’ve also developed a layer of conscious “protection” to make sure I’m not pushing myself too hard.

One key realization I’ve had recently is the importance of not putting pressure on my inner child to act like an adult. The point of this work is that my inner child doesn’t have to act like an adult, and never should. I’m learning to let him be young, to be innocent, and to not carry the weight of the world on his shoulders.

In the end, healing is a deeply personal journey, one that requires time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion. Through it all, I’m learning that my inner child deserves love, care, and freedom to heal at his own pace. And that, in itself, is a victory.