IFS stands for Internal Family Systems, and no, it’s not about your in-laws or your Wi-Fi setup.

It’s a therapy model based on a pretty wild but surprisingly comforting idea: we’re not just one “self.” We’re a whole system of selves, or “parts,” each with its own voice, its own job, and its own emotional baggage. Think Inside Out, but messier, older, and more likely to dissociate at family functions.

I went into more detail about how IFS helped me in this post: How IFS Helped Me Heal From CPTSD

(Spoiler: it didn’t fix everything overnight, but it helped me stop declaring civil war on my own brain.)

Now I want to give you a quick run down on what my IFS parts looked like, or still do, depending on the day and whether I’ve had a good night’s sleep.

Because healing from trauma isn’t just a journey… it’s an ensemble show.

And every character in this inner cast has a backstory, a motive, and honestly? Some of them deserve an Emmy for Best Performance Under Extreme Emotional Duress.

Here’s who’s been living rent-free in my nervous system:

Meet the Parts: The Unofficial Cast of My Inner World

🔹 Avoidant Jack

• Role: Chief Security Officer
• Trigger: Emotional intimacy, eye contact, kindness
• How He Shows Up: Introverted. Loves the high of flirting, hates the realness of staying. Gets suspicious when things feel good.
• Fear: “If they really see me, they’ll leave, or worse, stay and hurt me.”
• Quote: “You can’t get rejected if you disappear first.”

🔹 The Performer

• Role: Crisis PR + Charm Department
• Trigger: Social situations, new people, being vulnerable
• How They Show Up: Hyper-friendly. Reads the room like a psychic. Becomes whoever you need.
• Fear: “If I’m just me, you won’t want me.”
• Quote: “If I keep you laughing, maybe you won’t ask how I really am.”

🔹 The Little One

• Role: Wounded inner child
• Trigger: Abandonment, shame, being ignored.
• How He Shows Up: Panic attacks, dissociation, unbearable sadness that feels too big for the moment.
• Fear: “I’m unlovable, and no one is coming.”
• Quote: “Please don’t leave me. I’ll be good, I swear.”

🔹 The Fixer

• Role: Emotional hostage negotiator
• Trigger: Someone else’s pain, disappointment, or disapproval
• How They Show Up: Fawns. Over-apologizes. Tries to regulate other people’s emotions.
• Fear: “If someone’s mad or upset, it’s my fault, and I have to fix it, or I’ll lose them.”
• Quote: “Let me just say the right thing before they give up on me.”

🔹 The Shutdown Artist

• Role: Emergency System Override
• Trigger: Conflict, pressure, overstimulation
• How They Show Up: Numbness, can’t answer texts, just wants to be alone. Netflix, scrolling, pretending life isn’t happening.
• Fear: “If I let in any of this, I’ll never get back up.”
• Quote: “Nothing is wrong. Everything is fine. I just need six to ten years.”

🔹 The Self

AKA: The Real Me. The Calm One. The Part That Was Never Broken.

This isn’t a part; it’s the core. It shows up with compassion, curiosity, and that rare inner silence where I can finally breathe. I used to think this version of me didn’t exist. But IFS helped me find him, not because I tried harder, but because I stopped fighting my parts and started listening.

Do you want to meet your own parts?

Start with this question:

“What part of me is showing up right now, and what is it afraid might happen if it didn’t?”

That’s where the real dialogue begins.

Photo by Park Troopers on Unsplash