After receiving my cPTSD diagnosis a few years ago, it took me a very long time to realize that there wasn’t a serious issue with me. that I was not defective. I had to have it drilled into me that having cPTSD didn’t mean I wasn’t coping, instead it meant as a child, I continually […]
Overcoming Self-Hate: A Journey to Embrace Self-Love
I wrote about how I have reached the anger stage in grief recently. But what I didn’t realize at the time is how difficult it is for me to process one particular emotion, and that is hate. No matter how I look at things that have happened, I still can’t say I hate my abuser, but […]
Reaching the Anger Stage Of Grief
For all of my life, I have feared being loved. Being accepted. I have felt jaded. Lost. Ashamed. Hurt. There are so many different words that can be used to express the magnitude of the pain I have carried around with me. To reach a point in your life where you know you are truly […]
Showing No Emotion Was A Survival Tool
Individuals who have experienced trauma and have cPTSD are often told that they lack empathy. Which isn’t the case at all. At least not for me. I think I’m capable of great empathy, but if I’m not in a good place or stressed out, I cut it off completely and go into no-emotion-survival mode. And […]
Learning To Accept The Love I Deserve
Learning to accept the love I deserve has not been an easy task for me. I have spent years believing that I was unlovable and nobody would ever fully love me when they learned of my past. That, of course, wasn’t true, and it was again my cPTSD lying to me. To accept that you […]
When I Feel Emotionally Hypervigilant
My cPTSD causes me to experience a continuous and recurrent symptom known as emotional hypervigilance, and when I feel emotionally hypervigilant, it really can make me feel overly alert. My feelings seem to be on overdrive. I also seem to absorb the emotions and feelings of others around me. I know when something is off […]
