I woke this morning and nothing was wrong. I had a good night’s sleep. It was the weekend and I had a chilled and relaxing few days to look forward to, but still, I was feeling like something was off. This has been happening a lot lately. And as unsettling as it is, there’s a […]
Recognizing Trauma Dysregulation as It Happens
(aka: Is This a Red Flag, or Am I Just Spiraling?) When CPTSD turns relationships into a weather system, dysregulation is exactly when your internal forecast suddenly calls for a hurricane… all because of a missed text. Meanwhile, everyone else is just seeing a light drizzle, and you’re busy grabbing sandbags. Suddenly, you’re frozen, flooded, […]
Emotional Whiplash in a Trench Coat
Let’s talk about attachment styles, shall we? You know, those deeply ingrained survival strategies we picked up in childhood that now wreak absolute havoc on our adult relationships? Yeah. Fun times. Mine is what therapists call disorganized and what I call emotional whiplash in a trench coat. If you’re unfamiliar, disorganized attachment is what happens […]
CPTSD Meets Hot Yoga: Send Towels
Recently, I wrote about the time I tried meditation, and how my CPTSD added a whole extra layer of “what fresh hell is this?” to the experience. Today I’m about to take you on a journey into the steaming pile of self-improvement and self-torture, also known as hot yoga. Yes, you heard that right. Hot […]
How Trauma Builds Tolerance for Emotional Pain
One of the sneakiest things about living with CPTSD or carrying trauma is how we slowly build a sky-high tolerance for emotional pain, and don’t even realize we’re doing it. It becomes second nature, like breathing. At first, we tell ourselves we’re strong, tough, resilient, and yes, all those things are true. Those words aren’t […]
Meditation with CPTSD: More Chaos Than Calm, But I Tried
I’m all for trying new things, and a few years ago I began looking into the Kadampa Meditation Center here in New York. I actually love the idea of it. Sit quietly, breathe deeply, reach enlightenment, and find your Zen. Who wouldn’t want that? However, I just didn’t realize how difficult it would be for […]