Let’s be real honest right now. Yes, sometimes existing hurts. And I’m not talking about some ethical philosophical argument; I mean the physical and emotional hurt that is impossible to explain unless you have been there.

If you have CPTSD, you know exactly what I mean. That heavy weight in your chest. The disconnect. The numbness was followed by waves of overwhelm. The weird feeling like you’re watching your life happen from the outside. That’s dissociation. It’s not just zoning out or spacing out; it’s your nervous system slamming on the emergency brakes because it doesn’t feel safe.

What Is Dissociation, Really?

Dissociation is your brain’s way of saying, “Nope, this is too much.” It pulls you out of your body to survive something it thinks is dangerous, even if that danger happened years ago. When you live with CPTSD, your brain basically treats everything like it’s a threat.

You might dissociate when you’re overwhelmed. When you’re triggered. Or even when you’re just trying to feel something good.

Because feeling, in general, became risky somewhere along the way.

The Pain of Existing

Here’s the hard part: The more we dissociate, the more life starts to feel flat, painful, or not real at all. And ironically, the only way to stop feeling like existing is painful… is to start feeling again.

Yeah, I know. Total cosmic joke.

But it’s true.

Coming Back Into Your Body

To stop dissociating, we have to come back into our bodies. And that’s terrifying when your body has been a war zone for years. When the very idea of being present brings up everything you’ve tried to escape.

But presence is where healing actually happens. Healing does not occur in the past. Not in the numbness. And certainly not in the escape plans.

Being in your body means sitting with the sensations, the emotions, and the memories. It means letting that tight chest, that itch, or the ache in your stomach exist without judging it or running from it.

It’s not easy. In fact, it’s damn hard. But it’s necessary.

So how do you do it?

First: gently. This isn’t a “just meditate and breathe” kind of thing. You need safety. You need support. And you need patience and time.

Some ways to begin reconnecting with your body:

• Somatic therapy – Trauma-informed bodywork that allows you to feel safe in your skin again.
• Grounding exercises – Anything like feeling textures, being aware of your breathing, or noticing your 5 senses.
• Movement – Not from intense workouts, but gentle movement like a walk, stretching, or dancing, if or when it feels good.
• Parts work (like IFS) – Letting the dissociative part of you know it’s not bad; it’s just been protecting you.

And yes, it helps to work with a therapist trained in trauma. Preferably someone who actually understands CPTSD (because trust me, not all do). You can read more about why trauma-informed therapy matters for healing in an earlier post.

Final Thoughts

Dissociation helped you survive. It’s not your enemy. But it’s also not where you get to live. Nor should you even want to.

You deserve a life that feels real. You deserve to feel happiness, safety, and connection, even if those things feel out of reach right now. Returning to your body may be the hardest thing you ever do.

But it’s also the bravest.

Photo by Brigitte Elsner on Unsplash