For most of my life, I didn’t trust myself. Honestly, not really.
I could read a room in seconds, crack a joke under pressure, or keep things calm while everything burned down behind my eyes, but ask me what I needed. Or whether someone’s behavior felt safe? I had no idea. I’d either panic and disappear or swallow it down and stay too long.
That’s the thing about CPTSD; it doesn’t just make you anxious or wiped out. Instead, it screws with your discernment. The inner compass you’re supposed to use to navigate people, choices, and danger? It either spins in circles or points in the wrong direction. And if you’ve ever felt like your gut instincts are broken or out to get you, yeah. I’ve been there.
Let’s talk about it.
Discernment and CPTSD: It’s Complicated
When you live with CPTSD, your ability to discern, to really read a situation, feel your needs, and sense who’s safe gets hijacked. Basically, trauma wires you to survive, not to trust. Especially not yourself.
And because of that, instead of clarity, you get:
- Panic that feels like intuition
- Numbness where your instincts should be
- Reactions that don’t match the moment
- And a ton of second-guessing
What Is Discernment?
It’s that internal radar that lets you
- Feel when something’s off
- Spot manipulation or mixed signals
- Say no (or yes) and mean it.
- Trust your gut, not your fear.
In a healthy system, discernment is grounded and steady. It’s quiet. You don’t have to panic to hear it. However, if your early wiring came from chaos, shame, or being constantly dismissed… well, the wires get crossed. And suddenly, you’re mistaking anxiety for instinct and silence for safety.
How CPTSD Hijacks Your Inner Compass
1. You Overread Danger (Hypervigilance)
Everything feels like a threat. A short text? Rejection. A sigh? Disapproval. Someone closing a door too hard? You’re bracing for impact. Your nervous system doesn’t care if it makes sense; it’s scanning 24/7.
2. You Miss Red Flags (Fawning)
Other times, you go the opposite way. You explain away bad behavior, downplay the discomfort, and stay way longer than you should. Because being liked, or invisible, used to be your safest bet.
3. You Don’t Trust Yourself
You question everything: your feelings, your reactions, and your judgment. Even when something feels off, you start wondering if you’re being “too sensitive.” Reality? You’re probably not.
4. You Confuse Flashbacks for Intuition
Some stuff feels urgent or dangerous, but it’s not about now. It’s your body reacting to them. But when the past shows up wearing the clothes of the present, it’s hard to tell what’s real.
Rebuilding Discernment in Recovery
It’s slow. It’s messy, but it’s totally possible.
I talk more about what real, messy healing actually looks like in this post, if you want to go deeper.
1. Slow it down.
That sense of urgency? Often a trauma flare. You don’t owe anyone an immediate answer. So, give yourself space.
2. Name what’s happening.
Ask yourself: Is this fear or intuition? Am I reacting to this or something old? Writing helps. Also, saying it out loud to someone who gets it can make a big difference.
3. Track the patterns.
One-off moments are noisy. However, patterns? That’s where the truth lives. Look for what keeps happening. That’s where discernment sharpens.
4. Talk to your people.
Find someone with both feet on the ground. Let them reflect things back to you without trying to fix it. Simply being seen clearly can reset your radar.
5. Reparent yourself.
Yeah, it’s a therapy buzzword. But it matters. Be the adult you didn’t have. The one who believes you. Who protects you? Who says, “We don’t have to figure it all out right now, but I’ve got you”
A Personal Note
If you grew up constantly questioning your own reality or being told your feelings were wrong, of course discernment feels hard. You weren’t broken; you were adapting.
But you can learn to hear yourself again. And trust that voice. Not the one shaped by fear, but the one that’s slowly waking up beneath it.
It takes time. Mine did.
But every time you pause, listen, and choose yourself, that’s healing. Even if it’s messy. Especially when it’s messy.
If this resonates, or if you’ve got your own story around discernment and CPTSD, reach out or drop a comment. We don’t figure this stuff out alone.
Photo by Vladislav Babienko on Unsplash