I keep being reminded of this phrase. The only way out is through, and the more I am reminded of it, the more relevant it has become in my healing. After all, healing is a journey, and we should never stop moving.

I spent many years not feeling things. That any time I would meet emotions head-on, I would do everything in my power to stuff them down deep and ignore them. Which only resulted in me bottling everything up, falling into avoidance patterns, and repeating the process over and over.

I recently watched an old TED talk by Susan David and everything she spoke has given me further insight and encouragement. Her journaling prompt to “write what you are feeling, tell the truth, write like no one is reading” is something I have been trying my hardest to do with this blog.

When you allow yourself to fully feel all your emotions without criticism or judgement, it opens doors that allow you to experience things you never thought you ever could.

That’s not to say it is easy. It’s not. In fact, it is absolute hell. To remember and to sit with those feelings can be excruciating, but any avoidance only causes more pain, and it took me a really long time to fully understand that.

There’s more to life than simply existing

I used to feel that I was simply existing. Going through the motions, and eventually things will end. I wasn’t happy with who I was, and I felt jaded and lost. I look back at who I once was and where I am now and see the progress that I have made. Of how far I have come, and it gives me hope that in spite of my trauma and dealing with cPTSD, that life is worth living. That there is good in the world, and being happy is something that I can be. That I am allowed to be.

It’s still a process, but I am starting to enjoy life. I don’t feel hollow, and I feel more present with my daughter. More connected, and the feeling I once had of letting her down isn’t as prevalent anymore. Of course, I still have my off days, but I am able to handle them better. I do wish I realized this all sooner, or at the very least allowed myself to begin healing earlier, as I wouldn’t have missed out on so many good things.

I try not to beat myself up over that and remind myself that I wasn’t ready to start my healing journey, and even though it has taken me until later in life, that doesn’t mean I am failing.

I simply have to keep pounding the sand and working through everything that transpires as I continue my healing journey and not focus on timing or failings. We all fail in so many ways, and it’s not the fall, but how you get back up that counts, and importantly remembering that the only way out is through.