There have often been times during my earlier days of healing when I would question if how I felt was valid. That what I was trying to do would be deserving of being acknowledged.

What I learned rather quickly was, yes. It was, and in those moments we doubt things, we need to be reminded that our healing journeys are real and they matter.

There is no timeline or right way to heal from cPTSD. We don’t simply just get over it. It’s something that we learn to live with, manage, and eventually heal from, and how we heal is deserving of recognition and support. After all, healing from cPTSD is a personal journey that varies for each individual, requiring patience and understanding.

But what does healing from cPTSD actually look like?

For each of us, it will be different. For me, it means being on my own team, in my own head, no matter what. It’s taking the necessary steps to re-parent myself. It’s also allowing myself self-acceptance of who I am and what I have been through. I’ve spent a lot of time and effort rewiring my brain to be healthier. To not allow myself to fall into the black hole of feelings and never-ending despair and unworthiness. And because of that I refuse to let anyone diminish not only my struggle but what it has taken me to get here.

We have to embrace our struggles.

It’s about embracing my very personal journey and recognizing that growth often comes from discomfort. Every new day provides me an opportunity to continue building resilience and self-acceptance. Healing from c-PTSD means radically loving myself even on my worst days despite all of my life experiences and believing that I do better than the man who abused me.

It also means accepting that the person I was supposed to be never got to exist and won’t ever exist. I have to accept myself as I am, not as I feel I should have been. We can have bright futures regardless of our horrible pasts, but we can’t change the past no matter how badly we may want to. However, we can build a future worth living and being proud of.

I now have the strength to bounce back easily when I am triggered. Instead of having dozens of emotional flashbacks leading to dissociation, frequently. I am also more present in the moment and recognize those triggers and how to manage them.

I know I now have far better emotionally maturity than I once did and have greater self-awareness. I am able to manage my reactions, while maintaining empathy, communicating effectively, and staying focused on my goals. When we can learn to navigate our emotions without them interrupting our daily life we know we have reached a pivotal moment on our journey.

Do we ever fully heal?

I don’t know if I’ll ever be completely healed. I’ve accepted that I’ll get triggered; there’s no escaping that, but I now can organize my life in a way that allows me to get triggered less. I have made huge strides in management when it comes to emotional regulation, self-care, and healthy coping mechanisms, and I’ve made progress in interpersonal communication, setting boundaries, and identifying toxic behavior.

I’ve been noticing drastic changes to my personality traits once I started to heal. It’s as if layers of old beliefs and habits are shedding away, revealing a more authentic version of myself. It’s even empowered me to lean into my vulnerability.

But will I never not be triggered and have a flashback?

Truthfully, I don’t know. I will likely always struggle with these things in some capacity. But I know I will have the right tools to not let them control my life as they once did. Which will allow me to continue understanding myself better and know when to seek support when needed.

We deserve to be happy.

There is no greater gift that those of us with cPTSD can give ourselves than unpacking and talking through the repressed emotions and memories of the trauma so we can escape it, and it will no longer subconsciously control our lives. By confronting these feelings and experiences, we pave the way for healing and growth, allowing ourselves to reclaim our narratives.

The journey may be challenging, but it truly is worth it. I look back to even a couple of years ago and where I was mentally, and I look at myself today, and I see the progress I’ve made, and I’m proud of that progress. I’ve learned so much, and I will continue to do so. Each step I’ve taken has taught me the importance of self-compassion.

For the first time in a really long time. My future looks meaningful. That I have a purpose. I can finally see a path ahead, one filled with opportunities and the possibility of further growth.

Life, dare I say it? Is making me feel happy and that’s something I never thought I’d ever truly be.