There are many things those of us who have cPTSD don’t realize while we are going through our healing journeys. No matter what stage we find ourselves in, we are still learning every day. Even when we think we have it figured out, we actually don’t. And that’s a perfectly normal thing to experience.

Just because I happen to feel safe now doesn’t mean my nervous system knows that. And that’s something I forget. My past traumatic experiences have taught my body to constantly be on guard against potential threats; oftentimes I get antsy and struggle to relax. It’s as if my body is trapped in a cycle of vigilance, even when my mind tells me there is no danger.

I have felt anxious the last few days and couldn’t understand why. I had a good weekend with my daughter, but there was still this heavy weight pulling at my chest, as if something was lurking beneath the surface. After discussing with my therapist today in my weekly session, the only thing I can think of that triggered this episode was that I saw an old advertisement for Old Spice & Brute cologne. Two smells that remind me of my abuser and my child abuse.

CPTSD is complex for a reason

I only viewed the ad for what must have been 2 minutes, but it turns out that even that short time put my nervous system on high alert. Instead of taking time to realize, I simply went about my day. What I didn’t realize was as the day continued, a lingering sense of unease was creeping in, and my mood started to shift. It was then I became too focused on the why and not allowing myself to practice mindfulness and regulate my emotions. All the things I have learned in therapy.

I have always known that these two colognes were a trigger in the past, but with how far I have progressed in my healing and having not come across these products in quite some time, I didn’t realize that even after all this time they are in fact something that still triggers me.

Knowing you are hungry doesn’t feed you. It just makes you aware of what you have to do to resolve it. It’s a bit of the same with CPTSD, except the resolution is more complex and less intuitive.

Using the skills and tools we learn in therapy is crucial

I have to keep reminding myself that I won’t always have the answers, and I will have times when I will get triggered. It’s important that I will recognize when I enter these moments; after all, trauma is a nervous system injury and lives in the body. It’s crucial to help that trauma move through and out of our body; otherwise, it gets stuck, the patterns intensify, and that’s when we struggle to find any self-regulation.

Using my grounding exercises, which allow me to be more in the present instead of reacting to how I may actually be feeling, allows me to observe and feel without judgment.

CPTSD may be hardwired into my nervous system, but the more work I put into my healing, the more manageable it becomes. It’s not something I am easily going to get over, and I have to keep reminding myself that I am in a better place today than I was a year ago, and I should be proud of the progress that I have made, even on days like recently when I get triggered.