Being a major fan of DC comics and, more specifically, Superman, I was thrilled to hear the term “Superman Complex” used in therapy; it had my inner child jumping for joy. It seemed to me like a compliment. To have this and to be perceived in this way was kind of cool. Who wouldn’t want to be a superhero—especially one with the ability to fly? I know I do! But the more I learned, the more I saw this as unhealthy.
I’ve gone through life, and I have always felt that I needed to help others. If I could do something good and make a positive difference in someone else’s life that could ease any burden for them, then I felt I was doing the right thing.
It’s not some kind of ego trip I have, or I am looking for “praise” I just want to help where and if I can. It almost gave me a sense of purpose. Righting wrongs for others meant, in some warped sense, that I was somehow erasing my abuse and taking back control. It increased my sense of self-worth. Something about having cPTSD makes us feel like we are missing.
My happiness has been conditioned by how much I can help others.
It turns out that this notion and desire I had were in fact unhealthy, and I was giving myself unjust responsibility. It’s not sustainable long-term because, in focusing on my Superman Complex, I have been prioritizing others first and, in turn, using that to mask my own pain. To not ask for help. My happiness has been conditioned by how much I can help others. That’s not to say I have to change who I am as a person and stop helping other people. It simply means I have to be more self-diligent and find the right balance. To know having my needs and wants met is also important.
It’s not going to be easy for me. To ask for help. It’s never been in my DNA. I have always been self-sufficient, the “fixer,” and when I have problems, I tend to go into a bubble and work them out on my own, in my own time, and in my own way. But there’s a contradiction because I feel annoyed that I have to take care of things by myself. I’ve just never known how to ask for help without seeing myself as a burden. Having these feelings all stems from my cPTSD, and the key is to retrain my brain and flip the script, so to speak, and therapy is helping me do just that.
I am definitely a work in progress, but in the grand scheme of things, the work I am putting in to better myself is not only helping me combat my cPTSD, but it is also making me a better person for it. I may not actually be Superman, much to the disappointment of my 5-year-old self. But I am becoming happier being mild-mannered, Jack.
It’s been a long time coming.