Feeling “Off”
For a while now, I’ve been feeling “off.”
My nervous system has been stuck on high alert, and it’s been bugging me because I couldn’t figure out why.
Nothing in my day-to-day life should be making me feel like this.
And no matter what I tried, my breathing techniques, grounding, distracting myself, nothing worked.
It wasn’t until last night, lying in bed, that it hit me.
The Source of Those Feelings
There’s a man in the highest office in the country.
A man who is a known sexual abuser.
A rapist, among other things.
A man gaslighting an entire country.
That’s why my body’s been on edge.
Trauma Triggered
For me, this isn’t abstract. As a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse, I don’t just “feel unsafe”; this kind of situation lights up my trauma like a flare. I can’t shift out of survival mode because it’s shoved in my face, over and over, constantly.
It sends my CPTSD into overdrive. My body remembers what it was like to be powerless, to be silenced by fear, and to watch people fawn over my abuser.
And if I, with years of therapy and healing tools, feel like this… it’s almost impossible to imagine how the survivors who came forward to tell their stories about this man must feel right now.
A System Protecting Abusers
What makes it worse? Millions of people are looking the other way, and he’s being protected by a system that’s supposed to protect us.
What we’re watching is a giant cover-up.
This same man has now allowed one of the most well-known child traffickers and rapists to be moved from a Florida prison to a minimum-security facility in Texas, where she can now leave on work release.
How do you grant that kind of leniency to one of the most notorious pedophiles in the world… unless you’re involved, or trying to protect yourself from what might come out about your own seedy past?
That’s how big and messed up this is.
And no, I’m not being an alarmist; I’m just being blunt. Because this is the truth, and pretending it’s smaller than it is only protects the people causing the harm.
Understanding the Impact
Unless you’ve survived sexual abuse, you can’t fully get what it does to you.
But for survivors, seeing this play out in real time, seeing the system fail again, and watching the abuser and their enablers act like victims… it’s a trauma all over again.
It’s a level of fuckery I just can’t wrap my head around.
Protecting My Peace
I’ve stopped watching the news. I’m staying off social media. I am disengaging to protect my own peace of mind, and yet I shouldn’t have to be doing any of this in the first place.
Why This Matters
This isn’t just about politics; it’s about safety.
It’s about trauma, and believing the victims
It’s about a system that continues to protect abusers instead of the people they’ve harmed. And it’s about survivors having to carry the weight of fear while the rest of the world looks away.
For a deeper dive into how political gaslighting triggers trauma like this, you can read the full post here: How Gaslighting in Politics Triggers CPTSD.
Find Your Tribe
If you’re a survivor, know you’re not alone.
If you’re an ally, speak up, listen, and protect those who’ve been harmed. And if you’re a bystander, don’t look away; your silence protects the abuser, not the victim, and right now? There are many of us that need protection.
In a landscape that reopens old wounds and forces survivors to relive trauma, staying silent isn’t an option.
If you too are feeling impacted by any of this, reach out to a trusted friend, therapist, or support organization. Your feelings are valid, and it’s okay to take care of yourself right now. You don’t have to face this alone.
Photo by Noah Silliman on Unsplash