I used to think I was just a guy with “quirks.” You know, overly cautious, emotionally avoidant, allergic to rest, suspicious of compliments, and constantly rehearsing conversations in my head like I was preparing for a deposition instead of a lunch date.
Totally normal stuff… right?
Turns out, no. Not really.
Therapy has this sneaky way of holding up a mirror and gently (or not-so-gently) whispering, “Hey bud, that thing you do? That’s survival, not personality.”
So here’s a short list of things I genuinely believed were just part of being human… until therapy told me otherwise:
Never Needing Help Because I’m “Low Maintenance”
What I called “independent,” my therapist called “hyper-independence born from developmental neglect.”
Oof.
Turns out, needing people is part of being human, not a personal failing. I’m still adjusting.
Being Calm in Chaos but Falling Apart Over a Mildly Worded Email
I can handle an actual emergency with the composure of a Navy SEAL.
But a “per my last message” from someone? Cue the full-body anxiety tremors. Apparently, that’s called dysregulation. Not character.
Believing My Feelings Were Only Valid If I Could Justify Them
I used to treat emotions like they needed a thesis and footnotes to exist.
Now? I’m learning that “I feel this way” is enough. Even when it doesn’t make perfect sense, it’s enough. Even when it’s messy. Especially then.
Thinking Rest Was Laziness
Why chill when you can achieve your way out of worthlessness?
Therapy taught me that rest isn’t earned; it’s necessary. It still feels a little scandalous, honestly.
Blaming Myself for Everything So I Could Feel “In Control”
It’s weirdly comforting to believe that everything is your fault, because if you broke it, maybe you can fix it. But sometimes, things hurt just because they do. And sometimes, people harm you because they were broken. Not because you deserved it.
Mistaking Numbness for Peace
This one hit hard. I thought I was finally “zen.”
Nope. I was just disconnected. Regulated doesn’t mean empty; it means present.
That took me a while to learn the difference.
Thinking I Was Broken Beyond Repair
There’s a moment in therapy, maybe more than one, when you realize you’re not too far gone. You were just doing your best in systems that didn’t keep you safe.
That’s not broken. That’s surviving.
Things Look Different Now
And now? Now you get to do more than survive.
Therapy didn’t make me a “new” person. It helped me find the self I buried under coping mechanisms, people-pleasing, and fear. The real me isn’t perfect. But he’s real. And kind of a badass.
If any of these hit home, you’re not alone. You’re not weird. And it’s never too late to realize that what you thought was normal… doesn’t have to be your normal anymore.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash