I’m just going to come right out and say it:

TikTok (and yes, Instagram too) has its place. But it’s become a breeding ground for a lot of nonsense, where people are taking mental health advice from Sheila, the New Age guru who pilated her way into the Akashic Records.

If I see one more person state that in order to heal, you “just need to raise your vibration,” I’m going to launch myself directly into the astral plane, and not in a meditative way.

I’m all for healing, and I’m all for spirituality. Hell, I know it can have its positive aspects. But there’s a fine line between genuine spiritual practice and toxic spiritual bypassing, and a whole lot of people are doing the latter while pretending it’s enlightenment.

And it really needs to stop because it’s doing more harm than good.

What Is Spiritual Bypassing?

In short? Spiritual bypassing is when someone uses spiritual ideas or practices to avoid dealing with real-life pain, trauma, accountability, or even basic adulting.

Instead of saying

“That sounds really painful. Do you want to talk about it?”

They say:

“Everything happens for a reason.”
“You attracted this experience.”
“Your suffering is just your ego resisting divine truth.”

Translation: Please don’t make me feel anything or confront the messiness of life.

The New Age Industrial Complex

Somewhere along the way, real healing got hijacked by Instagram infographics and pastel-colored cults in yoga pants. There’s now a billion-dollar industry peddling the idea that trauma is optional if you just drink enough celery juice and visualize a better childhood.

Let me be very clear:

You did not manifest your trauma. You are not unhealed because you’re not “high-vibe” enough. And no, Mercury in retrograde didn’t cause your abandonment wound; a person did, probably someone close, and more than likely in early childhood.

The Greatest Hits of Spiritual Bypassing

Things that get said far too easily:

1. “Everything Happens for a Reason”

Yes, it can do. But sometimes the reason is because someone was abusive, negligent, or cruel. And no amount of incense will make that okay.

2. “Don’t focus on the negative; it lowers your vibration!”

You know what else lowers your vibration? Repressed rage, untreated trauma, and pretending you’re okay when you’re breaking inside.

3. “You’re creating your own reality.”

I get it; thoughts are powerful. But some of us didn’t “think” our way into childhood neglect or generational trauma. And we’re not going to affirm our way out of CPTSD in a moon circle.

Healing Requires Reality, Not Just Ritual

Healing isn’t always some candlelit, sage-scented moment of clarity. A lot of the time, it’s snotty crying in your therapist’s office, realizing you’ve repeated the same pattern again, or sitting with a wave of grief that shows up uninvited on a random Tuesday.

Crystals are cool. Breathwork can help. THC-infused juice in a can is nice. But none of it means a damn thing if you’re using it to avoid the harder stuff, like facing your own behavior, telling the truth about your past, or being honest about what still hurts.

Honestly, the same thing’s happening with attachment theory. People are slapping on labels like “avoidant” and “anxious” without actually understanding what they mean, or using them as an excuse not to grow.

I dug into that over here if you want to scream into the void with me: Stop Misusing Attachment Theory in Relationships

Spiritual tools can support the work, sure. But they’re not the work. If you’re using them to stay numb, stay “high vibe,” and avoid discomfort, you’re not healing. You’re just dissociating with incense.

Stop Gaslighting in the Name of “Light”

When you tell someone their trauma is an illusion…
Or you suggest abuse is a soul contract…
When you shame someone for being “too emotional” or “too wounded”…

You’re not being spiritual.

You’re just being an asshole with a sound bath. And you are doing way more harm to that individual than good.

What Real Healing Looks Like

• It honors pain.
• It makes space for truth.
• Includes shadow, not just light.
• It’s messy, nonlinear, and sometimes very unaesthetic.

If your version of spirituality doesn’t leave room for rage, grief, and complexity, it’s not healing. It’s a performance wrapped in branding to make a few bucks at the expense of real trauma.

Newsflash: You Can’t Skip the Hard Stuff

For me, the point of spirituality has never been about floating above the mess, it’s about coming home to yourself in the middle of it. Not escaping your story. Not rewriting it in glitter and white light. Just learning how to live with it a little more honestly.

We’ve got to stop selling people this idea that they’re broken for feeling too much. Or that if they’re still hurting, they must be doing it wrong.

Sometimes the most spiritual, most grounded, most painfully brave thing you can do…is stay in the dark. And not run.

Photo by sidath vimukthi on Unsplash