I used to think being in my feelings was a weakness. Especially living with CPTSD and trauma. That if I let myself feel anything, sadness, anger, even happiness, it meant I was giving my trauma a seat at the table. Like feeling was the same as surrendering. So I armored up. Numbed out. Laughed things […]
The Truth About Healing No One Told Me
Here’s something I wish someone had told me early on, like, tattoo-it-on-my-forearm early on: Healing isn’t linear. Like, at all. I know I’ve said this before, and I’ll probably say it a hundred more times before I’m done, but that’s because it’s one of the most grounding truths I’ve learned. The sooner you realize it, […]
Why I Hated Therapy Before It Helped Me Heal
If you’re like me, small talk isn’t just boring; it’s torture. It feels forced, unnecessary, and exhausting. So imagine how I felt when I walked into therapy for the first time, ready to dump all my insides on some stranger who began with, “So… how’s your week been?” Talk about awkward. Especially if you’re not […]
Staying Present When Your Nervous System Shuts Down
Everyone, at some point, has dealt with high-stress conflict situations, and I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of having your nervous system hijack the moment. However, those of us who have CPTSD can experience those kinds of moments more significantly. It can become a challenge when your brain decides it’s […]
Healing Childhood Trauma: Loving the Kid I Was
I was five years old when the abuse happened. That’s a sentence I still have trouble writing, let alone fully grasping, even after all this time. At five, you’re supposed to be discovering the world with wide eyes and open hands, not learning how to protect yourself from the very people meant to keep you […]
Living with CPTSD: Rumination and Embracing Growth
Today, I got caught in in a rumination cycle. Stuck replaying old mistakes, old choices, things I wish more than anything I could take back. For so long, CPTSD has controlled my life. It’s not easy to admit that, in fact, it’s painful to say out loud. There’s something deeply uncomfortable about acknowledging how much […]