Meet Stef
Stef Vachon is a proud queer man, husband, father, keynote speaker, former professional figure skater, and host of the Together Moving Forward Podcast, where he explores identity, healing, self-respect, and pride through lived experience.
When did you first realize something from your past was affecting you?
I didn’t realize it intellectually. I realized it physically.
For years, I thought anxiety was just my personality, hyper-awareness, overthinking, monitoring my posture, my tone, my gestures. Trying not to take up too much space.
In my early 30s, I had a major panic attack before starting what looked like a “successful” office job. That was the collapse. My body finally refused to keep performing.
That was the moment I understood that survival mode had become my identity.
What are a few things that really helped you along the way?
Writing everything down. My entire life. Not to publish. Not to impress. Just to see it clearly.
Therapy. Community. Hearing other people say out loud what I thought only existed inside me.
And learning to set boundaries without apologizing.
The biggest shift was moving from “How do I look?” to “How do I feel?”
That changed everything.
What has healing meant to you?
Healing, for me, is not becoming confident.
It’s becoming permitted.
Confidence can still perform. Permission doesn’t.
Healing meant allowing myself to exist without negotiating my worth. It meant respecting myself enough to stop abandoning myself.
It’s quieter than people think. Less dramatic. More steady.
Can you share a moment when you felt proud of your healing progress?
Returning to figure skating at 55.
Not to prove anything.
Not to impress anyone.
But to reconnect with the little boy I once was before shame took over.
Standing on the ice again felt like reclaiming a part of myself that had been frozen for decades.
And becoming a father. Choosing to give my son the safety I never felt. That’s the kind of pride that doesn’t need applause.
What advice would you give to someone just starting their healing journey?
Stop waiting for acknowledgment from the people who hurt you.
That was one of my hardest lessons.
You may never get validation. You may never get “I’m sorry.”
Healing begins the moment you decide your truth is enough, even if others deny it.
And please don’t try to do it alone.
Belonging is not a luxury. It’s regulation.
Official website TogetherMovingForwardPodcast.com
Follow Stef on Instagram: @togethermovingforwardpodcast
