Meet Alex
Healing looks different for everyone.
For Alex, it has been a journey of courage, self-discovery, and learning to face a past that shaped far more of her life than she once realized. In this Q&A, she shares her experience of surviving childhood sexual abuse, becoming a parent, navigating the effects of trauma, and finding her own path toward healing.
What stands out most in Alex’s story is her honesty. She speaks openly about the exhaustion of carrying unresolved trauma, the challenges of relationships and self-worth, and the profound shift that came when she decided to confront her past rather than continue running from it.
Today, Alex continues to heal one day at a time while raising her children, practicing self-compassion, and helping to break the silence that so many survivors carry.
I am grateful to Alex for sharing her story with the About That Jack community. Her words are a reminder that healing is not about becoming someone new, it’s about learning to care for the parts of ourselves that have needed it all along.
When did you first realize something from your past (or even now) was affecting you?
I think I’ve always silently known something wasn’t ‘right’. Being in the thick of daily sexual abuse growing up, I never realized anything was necessarily affecting me or that I was different than anyone else per se’; I was quiet and focused as a kid. I was a straight A student throughout my school years. After high school, I worked like a horse holding down 2 full time jobs and took college courses part time – I felt like I was doing everything society expected but I felt hollow inside.
Difficulties with relationships and battling deep seeded depression that seemed to come out of nowhere was slowly taking hold of me during my 20s. I felt like every fiber of my being was wrong and I felt like I was continually running to prove something to someone – but who? I was exhausted, out of breath, out of steam, tired – so tired, and nowhere to run – but I wasn’t going to stop. I experienced things that I believed were typical and healthy – but looking back, it was anything but.
I was in my 30s and gained strength to leave an abusive relationship. A couple of weeks later, I found out that I was pregnant with my first child. I sobbed uncontrollably for hours on the bathroom floor telling myself, “I can’t do this”, “I am alone”, “What will people think of me?”…I just cried.
That was the lightbulb moment when I finally saw and understood that my past was truly affecting me in ways I never imagined. The non-stop circling of negative thoughts, how I perceived myself, my abusive relationships, how I related to people in my circle, my exhaustive work ethic, my inner sensitivities and hypervigilance, my unsteady emotions, my daily routine, my future life – everything. I had to do something if I was going to bring a child into this world. I truly wanted to be the best parent I could be but knew I couldn’t do it until I faced my past.
What are a few things that really helped you along the way?
A few things I found that have helped me along the way is having at least a few non-judgemental people in my corner and the subtle reminder that my daughter was counting on me. At first, it wasn’t easy to tell anyone about what I experienced, I was embarrassed and ashamed and felt dirty. Telling those closest to me was almost debilitating. But slowly, sharing has helped me trust in others more as well as in myself.
When I find that a verbal approach is more than I can handle, I turn to journaling, reading, walking, and meditation. My way of journaling is really by reminding myself what I am grateful for every day – and it’s my job to find something different to be grateful for each and every day. Going back and looking at this makes my heart smile and reminds me that there are so many things to cherish in my life.
And while I like journaling, my favorite things to do are reading, walking and meditation. Reading has opened my world to CPTSD and its effects on my body and mind while offering so many tools and insights to keep me going. Walking puts me in nature and draws my attention to the beauty around me and encourages me to be present in the moment. And meditation has helped ground me and keep my mind relaxed but focused on healing and my journey.
What has healing meant to you?
Healing has meant being a good mom – to both of my children. It has meant
learning the deep dark parts of myself that I am ashamed of and bringing them to light so I can understand they are still a part of me, a part of me I can comfort, but are no longer the front and center of my daily thoughts.
It has meant being there for myself in ways I never knew I could be. It has meant continued learning about myself and how CPTSD walks beside me every day. Healing has meant being available for others without compromising who I am or what matters to me the most. Healing has meant I am strong and I am deserving of the best of what life has to offer. Healing for me means an ongoing process and I am in it for the long haul.
What’s one thing you wish more people understood about living with trauma or mental health challenges?
It doesn’t just ‘go away’ and we don’t just ‘get over it’.
How has your understanding of trauma and recovery changed over time?
My understanding of trauma and recovery has changed over time by allowing me
to accept what I endured as a child and realize how bad it sucked, and that it’s NOT ME – but that it made me a super human!
Understanding that my abuse has not only changed the thoughts I have about myself, but how the past trauma has made significant biological changes to my body on multiple levels I could have never imagined without my further understanding of trauma and recovery. I better understand the why and I will continue learning and finding more ways to resonate with myself through compassion.
Can you share a moment when you felt proud of your healing progress?
If I’m being honest, feeling proud is not something I’m comfortable with.
For myself, it’s more about a shift. A shift in life, in momentum, in the everyday world that can somehow make my life feel almost perfect in a way.
That moment for me was when I wrote a letter to my dad (my abuser). The letter acknowledged the love I have for my dad and all that he taught me and that while my forgiveness was given years ago, I remained steadfast and true to myself and what I needed for healing.
In that very moment, I felt a sense of relief knowing that I have complete control over what I need emotionally and I was really going to be okay.
What role, if any, has therapy or support played in your journey?
I began individual and group therapy shortly after my daughter was born and this, for me, was a game changer. It opened my eyes to see how I fit into the puzzle of abuse and what I needed to learn about myself to move forward in life.
By sharing my story and speaking with others, I’ve gained additional insights and learned about even more resources within my community. Being introduced to further reading has enabled my continued learning of CPTSD and its effects.
I use formal therapy now as maintenance from time to time – and will continue as long as it makes me feel better.
What advice would you give to someone just starting their healing journey?
You’re worth every precious minute of YOUR healing journey – you’ve got this, give yourself the grace you would give to someone else in the same situation.
A Note from Alex
Jack,
Thank you for doing what you do. I am so grateful to you for providing a space where we can learn, grow, and heal separately together. I believe life places tools in our path when we need them most, but it’s up to us to recognize them. Thank you for being one of the most important tools in my healing bag.
Thank you, Alex, for sharing your story with the About That Jack community.
