Emotional honesty is the practice of communicating your feelings and listening to others’ feelings without judgment, criticism, or defense, and it really needs to be normalized a lot more. Even though I have been guilty of not practicing emotional honesty in the past, I am making a conscious effort to doing so now.

Having gone through most of my adult life having emotional dysregulation that would result in me having mood swings because I was getting so frustrated not being able to express what it was I was feeling at any given time that I just stopped doing so altogether. It resulted in relationships breaking down, walls going up, and keeping myself at arms reach.

We all have wants and needs that we need met and if we are unable to communicate then how can they ever be?

I spent a long time having lower self-esteem than one would expect for a successful person with a good job. Being sensitive to rejection meant I would ignore my own needs. I sought validation from others and thought that meant acceptance. Because I felt I was too much for people, I would get attached, and when relationships didn’t work out, the pain resulting from the breakup was insufferable. It would make me feel worthless and not good enough to the point it would only reaffirm my cPTSD and trauma.

I’m Being Open to Change

I choose to no longer mask my emotions or my emotional needs. It means I am communicating a lot more, and I expect the same in return. I am putting into practice developing a deeper sense of intimacy with the people that are important to me. If I am having a tough day, instead of just saying “I am fine” and sweeping it under the rug. I am instead saying I am having a tough day. Or if I can’t articulate how I am feeling right away, I am letting the person know that I need a little time to think about what is bothering me, and then I can discuss it.

I am setting healthy boundaries and letting people know what I want from any relationship, be it romantic, platonic, or even professional, and it is up to them to decide if they can give it to me or if I am the right fit for them. I am removing my desire to control things and instead acknowledging that my trauma is no longer getting to define who I am or how I view the world, and importantly, understanding that I am not for everyone.

Emotional honesty is promoting change within me by allowing me to get honest with my feelings and thus saving me the frustrations, hurt, or angst from suppressing those very feelings. Of course, it isn’t going to magically change my whole life’s views over night; it’s taking patience and reminding myself that being open is far better than how I used to live.

Life Has So Much Good Things To Offer

I am also understanding enough to realize that not everyone can reciprocate because they either don’t wish to also put in the work or they aren’t ready to unpack the baggage from life. I have to accept that they aren’t my people, and no matter how much I want to have them remain in my life, sometimes they can’t, and that’s okay. It doesn’t make them bad people. It simply makes them not compatible with how I need them to be going forward. Yes, it is easier to pretend to be happy, agreeable, and positive than to show our real feelings. But showing them really is important to a better life.

I am beginning to feel more confident again, and I have a newfound courage, allowing myself to be vulnerable. I am presenting my real self, warts and all, and yes, it’s scary, but the empowerment that comes from being authentic, emotionally far out weighs being closed off and allowing my cPTSD and trauma to dictate to me how I live.

There is so much power to be found in healing. To making the necessary, positive steps. All the hard work really is worthwhile, even if you don’t always see the changes because they may be so small, but they are still significant none the less. Healing becomes not just an endpoint but an ongoing journey that celebrates both the little changes and profound transformations within ourselves, and it is something to be proud in.