There is a false perception about those of us with CPTSD… that we lack the ability to love or are unlovable. There is no truth in that at all. No, we actually love more intensely. We act in this way because we have firsthand experience with trauma and severe loss.

We love deeply and differently. In any relationship we have, we continuously seek validation and acceptance. We know there is something wrong with us, we actually protect the people we care about because of that. We can show a great deal of empathy and maturity in relationships, but we also have a childlike persona too, which can be irritating. We also find it hard to trust, and that is one of the main factors that may prevent us from entering into a romantic relationship. And it’s not just romantic relationships; it’s platonic too. We suffer from hypervigilance. Our nervous systems are out of whack, and our brain doesn’t compute normally, but if we know that we are accepted and loved in return, we will love with everything we have because we know what it’s like to go through trauma that has taken us to hell and back. We fight our logical side and our emotional side daily. We also feel misunderstood a lot of the time, and that can lead to a lot of frustration for us.

To feel like we matter? It means the world to us.

It’s all we want.

Persistent negative beliefs and emotions

We are also aware of how challenging it can be for anyone to love us back the way we so desperately want to be loved. Our symptoms are not a reflection of the people we surround ourselves with. They are the result of altered brain functioning and years of conditioning. We experience negative thoughts about ourselves… sometimes fear, persistence, sadness, guilt, and even shame. And no matter how hard we attempt to not spiral into negative patterns, we can’t help but do so. And because of that, we are prone to getting defensive very easily and have a tendency to push people away. It’s all part of our internal coping mechanisms.

That may make it harder for anyone to love us, but it doesn’t make us unlovable or that we are incapable of loving in return. In fact, it makes us individuals who are loyal, caring, and attentive, especially when we feel safe.

Those of us who have suffered from or are currently dealing with CPTSD don’t need judgment. We don’t need shaming. We need understanding, compassion, and time. And most importantly, we need to be accepted for who we are. And if we are, then you will have someone on your team for life.