Being our authentic selves takes a lot of work. To understand what is truly going on in our mind and body. It’s not conditional, but instead going all in on self-acceptance. This requires making the effort to compassionately tolerate our flaws as well as celebrating our strengths.

I have already written about letting go of my old self and how I am navigating that and how I am working on discovering who I am. Things that aren’t as easy to do as they sound. And this post is a continuation of both, an update on my progress if you will.

Often at times on my journey, I wish I was a superhero. But, as in the picture here (an example of my childlike/nerd persona), I can only use AI and a superhero generator tool to actually make myself into someone that is invincible. But deep down, do any of us really want that? What good can come from being on guard and untouchable all of the time? Never let anyone get close to or love us. At least I know I don’t because I’ve lived it and it is a lonely life to live.

Being who I am is all I can be. That means facing aspects of myself that I don’t like or that no longer serve me, and instead being less defensive, less anxious, more aware, more confident, more calm, and more clear about who I am and what I want.

Who exactly am I?

I mentioned this before, but I currently feel like I am living inside a snow globe, and I have been shaken up. All my attributes, the good and the bad. My emotions. My dreams. Hopes and desires are floating around, and while I wait for things to stabilize, I am getting a better picture of who I am and who I want to be.

There are aspects I really like about myself, and those are the ones I am focusing on developing. I am at times a big kid and a nerd. I am caring. Compassionate. Kind. And importantly, I am learning I am someone with a vast depth of love to give.

For far too long, I hid myself behind defensive walls, only allowing people to see what I wanted them to see. I believed if they saw the real me that they wouldn’t like and accept that person. That was all the fears and insecurities instilled in me over the years from my child abuse and trauma. It was exhausting. Lonely and a dark place to be in.

I am validating my deepest needs. My likes. Dislikes and my wants. Speaking directly to my inner child and letting him know that there is no longer shame to be felt in having all these feelings that I now do.

My inner child is coming out to play

I much prefer this feeling I feel now. Opening up to my authentic self. I feel better: softer, stronger, more flexible, less rigid, less anxious, more ok. That’s not to say it’s easy or that I have jumped headfirst into this new outlook. I’m not. I am taking baby steps and letting myself feel each new feeling, emotion, and conflict as they come and understanding what they mean.

I am learning that being who I am is enough. Even the parts that had suffered traumas and wounds and that forced my authentic self to hide in self-protection. I have been letting go of all the shame I have felt. The lies I told myself. The self-hate, and man, there was a lot of that going around. I am leaning into my quirks and I am letting my inner child play and experience everything he never got to.

In a way, I am laying the groundwork and putting down new roots, and when life throws it’s curve balls, which I know it will. I will be standing firm in who I am and not some version of who my trauma has dictated me to be.

Being who I am is all I can be, and I am more comfortable knowing that today than I have ever been. And that is progress. I see changes, and as I continue down this path, I will continue to update on those changes, because for the first time in my life. I am actually feeling a sense of pride in myself. Something I never thought I could ever feel.

The glimmers are real, and they feel pretty damn good.